Target Practice
by I-Like-Llamas
Summary: Raoul, Alanna and Gary find Kel and Dom after a big night out. As punishment, Raoul tells Kel and Dom they must retrace their steps from the night before, and fix any problems they caused. keldom
1. Isn't that Kel?

Disclaimer: I do not own the Protector of the Small series or any of the characters or settings in it.

Summary: Raoul, Alanna and Gary find Kel and Dom after a big night out. As punishment, Raoul tells Kel and Dom they must retrace their steps from the night before, and fix any problems they created. Along the way they must ask themselves many important questions such as 'Why is that cat's fur blue?', 'Who's the crazy guy with an obsession with Kel's feet?', and most importantly, 'What in Mithros' name did we do to Neal?'.

**TARGET PRACTICE**

**Chapter One: Isn't that Kel?**

The war with Scanra was over, and many of the Tortallan knights that had been deployed along the border had been given time off, and had headed back to Corus to spend the Midwinter there. Four such knights, namely Merric of Hollyrose, Seaver of Tasride, Faleron of King's Reach and Owen of Jesslaw, were making their way down to the mess hall for lunch one afternoon when they stumbled upon a rather unusual sight in one of the palace's many corridors.

Faleron blinked once. Twice. And a third time for good measure.

"Isn't that Kel?"

Seaver leaned closer to determine if it was indeed Kel.

"I think it is. But who's the guy with her?"

Merric snorted, and answered his friends, voice clearly showing his amusement. "That would be Domitan of Masbolle, Sergeant in the Third Company of the Kings Own."

"Neal's cousin," Owen added helpfully.

Faleron blinked a few times more, trying to process this information and take in the picture before him at the same time.

"Oh."

Lying before the knights, on the floor of the corridor was Dom and Kel, both fast asleep. Dom's stomach was up against Kel's back, and he had one arm wrapped tightly around her waist while the other was being used as a pillow by Kel. Kel had one hand in front of her face and the other was resting on top of Dom's arm around her waist.

Dom chose that moment to open one of his eyes and peer blearily up at the people in front of him. He stared around in bewilderment for a moment before groaning at the harshness of the sun, shutting his eye again and burying his face in Kel's hair.

"He's hung over!" gasped Owen.

"What's the bet that Kel is too?" snickered Merric.

Faleron tore his gaze from the two people asleep on the floor to stare at Merric.

"But Kel doesn't drink!"

"Oh?" scoffed Merric. "So she just chose to lie down and go to sleep in a rather compromising position in the middle of a corridor with a drunken Dom, while she was sober?"

Faleron winced and turned to stare at Kel and Dom again.

"….Good point."

"What should we do with them?" asked an extremely agitated Seaver, shooting glances up and down the corridor nervously.

Merric grinned. "Leave them there. I'm sure they'll wake up sooner or later."

An extremely evil look came over Owen's face, and the other knights backed away in fright. "Jolly idea Merric. You know, I do believe that milord Raoul's chambers are somewhere around here."

Owen walked away, evil grin still intact, not noticing the terrified look that passed between his friends.

"Remind me to never piss him off," muttered Seaver. Merric and Faleron nodded emphatically.

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Half an hour later Alanna, Raoul and Gary were walking back to Raoul's chambers from the same mess hall the other knights had been heading too. Raoul and Alanna were involved in a rather exuberant discussion on the knights of today and their role in the kingdom. Gary was watching them with no small amount of amusement while secretly thinking that they were both wrong. Alanna and Raoul were so caught up in their argument that neither of them noticed the two forms lying on the ground until it was too late, and Raoul had tripped over them and gone crashing to the ground.

"What in Mithros' name!" roared Raoul while Alanna and Gary cackled with laughter.

Kel and Dom blearily opened their eyes and stared at the burly Knight Commander.

"Milord?"

"Raoul?"

Both groaned simultaneously and pulled themselves up, clutching their heads and squinting against the afternoon sun.

"Kel? Dom? Want to explain to me what you two were doing SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CORRIDOR TOGETHER?"

"Please milord," whimpered Kel, "could you not speak so loud, sir?"

Alanna's laughter doubled in volume and she leaned against the wall, clutching her sides while Gary watched on in confusion and bemusement.

"So. You're both hung over, are you? So what, exactly, did you two do last night?"

"All I can remember is going into the Dancing Dove with Dom and Neal and after that everything goes a bit blurry," Kel blurted, before slapping her hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

"Neal?" Alanna asked, curious. "I haven't seen Neal since lunch yesterday, and a couple of your friends said they couldn't find him today either."

Raoul noticed that Dom was shifting from foot to foot and just generally looking guilty. He growled, loudly. "Do-om. _What did you do_?"

"Um," Dom squeaked, and unconsciously moved to stand behind Kel. "I'm not sure exactly. But I do remember something involving a tree, a lot of rope and some rather high-pitched squealing."

"Yep," Alanna grinned, "that's Neal."

Kel moaned again. "Oh god. He could be anywhere!"

Raoul suddenly grinned evilly (even eviler than Owen, as he had no jollyness to set off the evilness of his evil grin like Owen, and he also had a lot more practice at being evil).

"Well then. I guess you'll just have to find him, won't you. After all, Neal is rather delicate. We wouldn't want Yuki to go after you with that gods-cursed fan of hers for damaging him, now would we? So you have until sunset to find Neal and rescue him, as well as find out everything else you did last night. If you damaged anything, either repair it or arrange for it to be fixed and pay the cost of reparations. If you insulted anyone, or annoyed anyone, apologize and smooth things over. Can't have any of the people mad at the second Lady Knight and one of the top Sergeants of the Own. It reflects badly on the monarchs of the kingdom."

Alanna and Gary stared at Raoul as though he had just declared his undying love for Peachblossom, while Kel and Dom continued backing away in fear. Raoul gave them one last evil grin (Dom shuddered) and practically dragged Alanna and Gary down the hall and into his rooms.

"We're doomed," Dom commented sadly, staring morosely at the retreating form of his Commander.

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Raoul only let go of his friends and comrades when they were safely locked inside his room. He then proceeded to fall on his bed and laugh uproariously. Gary swore he could feel the castle walls shaking around them from the force of Raoul's laughter.

"Um, Raoul? As fun as that was, you don't think you could clue me in as to what just happened?"

"Oh, right sorry Gary. That was Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan (incase you didn't know) and Sergeant Domitan of Masbolle. He's in Third Company, one of my best. And incidentally, cousin to Alanna's old squire, Nealan of Queenscove, remember him? He's rather hard to forget. Anyway, to fully understand what just happened, you have to know three things. One, is that Kel is normally one of the quietest people you'll meet. She doesn't drink, doesn't speak out of turn to her superiors, doesn't even show emotion around people she doesn't know (like conservatives). And she most certainly does NOT get drunk with a Sergeant of the Kings Own, spend a wild night and finally fall asleep in the middle of a castle corridor with said Sergeant. Two, is that Neal and Dom don't really get along. They love each other sure, but Dom delights in tormenting Neal and has called him 'Meathead' for as long as I can remember. Neal, in turn, thinks his cousin is one of the most annoying, obnoxious people alive. And the third, and possibly most important thing you must know is that I have had reason to believe that Kel and Dom have liked each other for some time now, only neither of them will admit it. Understand now?"

By now Alanna had joined Raoul's little laughing fest and managed to choke out, "So you punished them so harshly so they'd have to spend at least a day together, going over all the embarrassing things they did last night? Raoul, that's brilliant!"

Gary watched his two insane friends with a small smile on his face, then left them to their scheming. Life was certainly going to be interesting for the Lady Knight and Sergeant Dom with Raoul and Alanna plotting against them.


	2. Start at the Beginning

Hi everybody! Well's here's Chapter Two, as requested. Thank-you to everyone who read this story (it's only my second ever fanfiction) and an especially big thank-you to everybody who reviewed! Also, special thanks goes to lady dove of the green eyes who inspired me to write in the first place and so graciously agreed to check over this story to make sure it didn't suck. Read hers, they're great! So, thanks everyone!

**Chapter Two: Start at the Beginning**

Kel stared at the space that Raoul had just occupied, dumbfounded. She remembered the grin on his face when he gave them their punishments and unconsciously drew the sign against evil on her chest. Heaving a great sigh, she turned to Dom, figuring that they'd better get started as Raoul hadn't exactly given them much time to get the job done. Seeing that he was still trembling and staring at the wall, she shook her head and waved a hand in front of his face.

"Dom. Dom! DOM!"

"Hu-huh?" Dom squeaked, swiveling his head around to stare at Kel, eyes wide and panicked.

"Come on Dom, snap out of it. We've got a job to do and I hate to think what Raoul would do to us if we didn't get it done. Not to mention what Yuki would do if we don't find Neal."

"But Kel! He could be anywhere! And we could have done anything last night! How in Mithros' name are we going to be able to find out _everything_ that we did and fix it up?"

Kel rolled her eyes at the normally calm Sergeant. She had no idea why he was all of a sudden acting so panicked, but she had better get him to calm down if she wanted any help from him today.

"Don't worry Dom. We can do it. All we've got to do is start at the beginning and follow the trail from there. I'm sure someone will have seen what we did to Neal, or at least heard him squealing. So, go to the Own's barracks, get cleaned up and meet me at the palace gates in half an hour, okay?"

Seeing that Dom's breathing seemed to be evening out, Kel walked away towards her rooms, shouting "And don't be late," over her shoulder.

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The members of Third Company of the King's Own were baffled and incredibly amused to see their beloved Sergeant Domitan stumbling into the barracks at noon looking like he had slept in a ditch last night. Which, Wolset mused, he probably had.

"Have fun last night Dom?" Wolset asked sweetly. He tried to look innocent, but the stupid grin on his face gave away his amusement. All the members of Third Company knew that Dom had gone out with Lady Kel and Sir Nealan last night.

Dom glared at his corporal and, now feeling much more like himself, growled at the snickering men.

"Oh so you all think my headache is funny do you? Sure, you laugh now, but I bet you won't be laughing when I wake you all up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to train with Kel."

This had the effect of shutting the men up rather efficiently.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Dom said smugly, and stumbled over to his bed to try and get cleaned up so he could go meet Kel.

"Wow," whispered Lerant to Wolset, "he must be **really **hung over coz that threat was low. Real low."

"Uh-huh," agreed Wolset, staring at Dom in a kind of horrified awe.

Dom ignored the whispering that had sprung up at his last statement and proceeded to wash his face, clean his teeth and attempted (unsuccessfully) to wash the worst of the dirt out of his hair. The men watched their Sergeant's preening with varying degrees of hilarity and confusion. Finally Lerant remembered who Dom had been with last night and an evil grin (marginally eviler than Owen's, as he too had no jollyness, but slightly less evil than Raoul's as he didn't have as much practice. There was potential, though) spread across his face.

"So Dom," he murmured, "going out with Lady Keladry again, are you."

"Yeah," Dom replied distractedly, trying to pull on a clean pair of breeches and a shirt. He stopped, however, when he realised the implications of that statement. "Raoul's orders, that's all." He looked down, a blush beginning to creep onto his cheeks.

Wolset watched him try to brush his hair amid the sniggers of the rest of the men.

"Uh-huh. And we believe you Dom. Really we do," he drawled, watching as Dom's face turned a rather interesting (and potentially dangerous) shade of red.

Dom growled at his men once more, then grabbed his knife and money bag and stormed out of the barracks, slamming the door behind him.

Wolset smirked.

"Oh he's got it bad. Poor Kel won't know what hit her."

Lerant snorted.

"Poor Dom you mean. Lady Kel is the type to hit back, and she hits **hard**."

"This is going to get interesting."

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Raoul and Alanna spent at least another fifteen minutes or so rolling around the floor in laughter, before realising that this quite possibly made them certifiably insane. They stopped for all of about a minute before realising that they were quite possibly certifiably insane before anyway and continued on in blissful laughter until Alanna got an idea.

"Raoul? I have an idea."

"Well that can't be a good thing."

"No, probably not. But, nevertheless, I'm going to tell you my idea, and you're going to listen, or you're going to find yourself at the very pointy point of the end of my sword."

Although Raoul didn't fully understand what Alanna just said, he heard the words 'my sword' loud and clear and gulped audibly. Alanna smirked.

"Good boy. Now, what I was thinking we could do was…"

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Dom arrived at the palace gates huffing and puffing exactly 31 minutes and 10 seconds after he and Kel had separated. Spotting her leaning against the wall, he attempted to straighten himself up and catch his breathe. He then attempted to strut over to her looking for all the world like he had meant to arrive at that precise moment, but he knew it didn't work. The huffing and puffing kinda ruined the effect.

"You're late."

"I am neither late nor early. I arrived precisely when I meant to." _(A/N: Lord of the Rings)_

"So you meant to be late then."

He coughed, and gave Kel his most charming smile.

"Something like that, yeah. I would have come later, but I knew that you would pine if you were away from my wonderful self for too long."

Kel shook her head at him, her smile growing.

"You're incorrigible, you know that?"

"You wound me fair maiden. I doubt I shall ever recover. In fact, I think it's fatal. Good bye dear would. Tell…..Neal…..ungh," Dom swooned dramatically, fainting in what he thought was Kel's general direction.

Unfortunately, he didn't count on Kel stepping out of his way. The ground was a rather hard thing to land on.

"Riiiight. Moving swiftly on. Can you please get up so that we can go? Or else we'll never find Neal."

"A dreadful fate to be sure. Were exactly are we going, anyway?"

"The beginning, like I said."

"And the beginning would be?..."

"Why, the Dancing Dove of course."

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Wolset chuckled as Raoul and Alanna left the barracks. Their plan was ingenious, really. And Third Company still owed Dom for that time he woke them all up by poring ice-cold water on them. He turned to the rest of the men and grinned.

"This is going to be fun."

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Well there you go! The second chapter. Hope I didn't disappoint. The third should be up soon.

HiddenPortrait: Can I just believe that it was all my story that had you on the ground in laughter? Glad you think it was funny though.

Lizzlybonk: Thank-you. You're gunna have to wait a bit longer to see Neal though, sorry.

Victoria: Here's your update! See, I didn't keep you waiting! I'm so nice!

anonymous girl: Yeah, your right Neal deserves it all. I still love him though! How can you not? Hola dance? You'll have to teach me that sometime.

strawbeby: Raoul's a pretty clever guy. He was smart enough to ask Kel to be his squire. Hahaha my mind works in pretty insane ways. I can't keep up with it.

GryffindorPrinsess11: Thank-you. I have a Harry Potter story too, if you wanna read it.

lady dove of the green eyes: Hahaha it didn't take you long, I was expecting it to take you like a couple days or something. Thank-you so much again!

Elfsquire90: I only updated coz you said please. Lol.

Sunkissed Guacamole: Yeah it was really confusing but I think I get what you're saying. I've read all your stories and practically picked apart your user so it's really awesome for me to get a review from you. Thanks!

heartsoblivion: Yeah, but its such sweet torture! Uproariously. Hehe. I love that word. It's nearly as good as oblong.

Thayet1231: Damn straight. Well, mad genius in training anyway. And the answers to your questions? Well, you'll just have to keep reading!

LadyKnightOfHollyrose: Cool. I didn't even know it was possible to be both hilarious and ingenious. Hope the chapter didn't disappoint.

alee: Yay! I like too! Well, I like nice reviews anyway. Thanx hon!

nativewildmage: Yeah, you can't help but love Owen. He's such a sweetie. A jolly sweetie, of course.

Knight Queen: Okay, you said two words. _Two Words. _And you've already scared me shitless. Well, I am a bit of a wimp, but you get the point.


	3. Why is that Cat's Fur Blue?

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry about the long, long, long wait for an update (hey that rhymes) but I've been having quite a few problems with this story. Stupid thing. Never fear, though, I'm back and I'm not giving up on it. So, here's the next chapter! I'm sorry it's not very big, but I will update again soon! Promise!

**Chapter Three: Why is that cat's fur blue?**

The walk down to the Dancing Dove was short, but annoying. Short because Kel was walking so fast that Dom nearly had to jog to keep up with her. Annoying because Dom wouldn't shut up.

"Hey Kel, look at that guy! What a nose! Reminds me of the Meathead, actually."

Kel sighed, and thought, yet again, 'Stone. I am stone. I will not harm Sergeant Domitan.'

"Dom, your nose is exactly the same as Neal's. Now will you please be quiet? I'm trying to think."

To Kel's astonishment, Dom actually stopped talking, and walked alongside her silently.

'Huh. Must be Raoul's influence on him,' she thought distractedly.

Kel started thinking about what they could have done the night before. She was almost positive that they would be able to follow their trail of destruction to Neal. It wasn't like they could have done that much damage in one night, so they should be fine.

How wrong she was.

"Whatcha thinking 'bout, Kel?"

Kel absentmindedly smacked Dom upside the head for talking, but distracted as she was didn't bother to rebuke him properly.

"What we're going to do today. We're going to start at the Dancing Dove, and work our way back from there. We apologize to everyone, fix everything, pick up Neal on the way, and be back at the castle in time for lunch. I mean, we were both drunk, so we wouldn't have been capable of much, right?"

Dom looked at Kel weirdly, but decided not to comment.

"Um…right."

As they entered the Dancing Dove, a few of the less inebriated customers glanced up at them briefly, and Solom waved at them from behind the counter, but other than that they went unnoticed. Kel picked her way through the throng of people and approached the bar.

"Hi Solom," she smiled. "Good to see you again. I see business is going well."

"Aye, that it is Lady Kel. Will you and Master Dom be wanting anything?"

"No sorry Solom, can't. We're on business for Raoul. Actually, we were wondering if you remembered which way we went when we left last night. We seem to have…forgotten."

"Aye, of course you did Lady Kel. With all due respect, the both of you were mighty drunk last night. I clearly remember you jumping up on the table last night and declaring to everyone that any conformists that had a problem with you could kiss your…well, you get the idea."

Dom chocked on his laughter, and began coughing hard as a faint blush appeared on Kel's cheeks, a testament to how truly embarrassed she was. Seemingly oblivious, Solom nodded solemnly (A/N: Solomly hahah sorry won't happen again) and continued, "And you Master Dom. I think I would've been happier not knowing what exactly Sir Nealan looks like in a kimono, thank you all the same. The descriptions you gave were incredibly detailed."

Dom chocked again, only this time he didn't think it was funny. Kel bit her lip, trying to fight down a giggle, but it escaped anyway.

"Solom, Neal was here with us wasn't he? And he left with us?"

Solom nodded. "Oh yes, Sir Nealan was here. Not as drunk as you two though, he seemed to be trying, and failing, to keep you under control. And yes, he left with you. You both dragged him out the door, with him protesting loudly along the way. You went that way, as far as I could see."

Dom and Kel thanked Solom and headed out of the Dancing Dove in the direction he had pointed. Walking along the street slowly, they noticed that a few people seemed to be glaring at them rather heavily.

"Well," Dom sighed. "I guess this is where we start apologizing."

He walked up a stall that sold scarves nearby, and smiled charmingly at the owner, who looked as if he would like nothing more than to ring Dom's neck.

"Excuse me," smiled Dom. "But I've been told that Kel and I came this way last night and that we were rather….inebriated at the time. I just wanted to apologize for anything we may have done to you last night. I'm quite sure that whatever it was it was rather rude."

The stall owner huffed. "You bet it was rude. You knocked over my stall, laughing like a pair of fools the whole time. And that friend you had with you wasn't any better, and he wasn't even drunk."

Dom chuckled. "That was Sir Nealan of Queenscove," he replied, as if that explained everything.

The store owner blinked. "Oh. That explains everything."

At this point Kel butted in, thinking that they weren't getting anywhere. "I'm sorry, but you said we knocked your stall over. Did we wreck any of your merchandise, or break your stall? We would be happy to pay the costs if we did."

The stall owner huffed again, and grudgingly replied "No, you didn't break anything. It was just annoying."

Dom smiled at the man again. "Well in that case, do you think you could tell us which way we went?"

"That way," the man pointed, "leaving a trail of destruction a mile wide behind you."

Kel blushed faintly, replied "Thank you," and dragged Dom away.

Neither Kel nor Dom noticed that they were being followed.

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"I don't understand," Lofren whined for the tenth time.

Raoul sighed loudly, and restrained Alanna from beating the man into a pulp.

"Honestly, Lofren, it's not that hard," commented Wolset indifferently. "If you can't understand this I have no idea how you were able to get into the King's Own. Or how you understand so much about the laws of the country."

"But they're simple," whined Lofren. "Easy to follow. This plan is just too complicated."

Alanna snapped.

"NO IT'S NOT. ALL WE ARE GOING TO DO IS FOLLOW THEM AND TRY TO FIND SOMEONE THAT THEY DIDN'T APOLOGISE TO SO WE CAN PUNISH THEM AND MAKE THEM SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER! HOW HARD TO UNDERSTAND CAN THAT BE!"

Lofren squeaked and tried to hide under his bed to get away from the rabid knight.

"Ii-iit's n-not Lady A-a-alanna. I-I understand n-now."

Alanna smiled ferally.

"Good. Now if that's all we must be going. Don't want them to get too much of a head start, do we?"

"No, ma'am," cried all of Third Company, including Raoul.

Alanna chuckled and made her way out the door. Men were so stupid sometimes.

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Half an hour later, Kel and Dom were going out of their minds. They had apologized to what seemed like to be an endless line of annoyed housewives and midwives and they had only traveled two streets. Half the complaints they had were actually about Neal, and they were no closer to finding him then before. Kel, despite all her Yamani training, was about to scream in frustration. Dom already had. Three times.

"Kel," Dom asked, staring at something over her shoulder with a funny look on his face.

"Yes Dom?" Kel replied nervously.

"Why is that cat's fur blue?"

That was all it took. Kel screamed.

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Yes, yes, it was shit, I know, and I'm sorry. But like I said, I've been having problems. So if anyone wants to review and help me out, I'd be eternally grateful. This comedy stuff is harder then it looks.

Review Responses:

nativewildmage: Yeah, he was always dramatic, but it's impossible to love him, don't cha think? Kel does. Lol.

LadyKnightOfHollyrose: I know, it really is evil of me too have so many cliffies. But I can't help it. They just jump out at me and won't go away! Long live the pointy points and Gandalf quotes.

Thayet1231: Yay indeed. I'm so sorry you had to wait this long but I promise I'll keep updating regularly now. I was banned from my computer. I'm still suffering from the withdrawal symptoms.

Ms. Aly: Thank you kindly. I have a few ideas. They were drunk, after all.

Tortall Princess: You know, you're the only one who guessed (or at least said that they guessed) what they did to Neal. Good for you. Lol.

Kelly Masbolle: Humor generally is amusing. I hope. But thank you for thinking I'm funny.

anonymous girl: Still haven't seen Lilo and Stitch. My friend was gunna lend it to me, but it got stuck in her VCR and the tape got wrecked. sobs I wanna know how to hola dance! Yeah, he is kinda annoying. It's cute for awhile though.

Frimmy: Hmm, it's always the shy, quiet ones like Raoul that you gotta look out for. Neal with Kel, ack no! The gods are all for Kel/Dom. That was a nice threat though. Original. I like it.

slightly unhinged: Evilness is good. Heheheheheheheheheheheh. coughes Yes, well, moving on. Thank you.

Sgath101: I rock! Woohoo! Thank you. Wait for it…….I love you!

Aly the Spy: Hahahah, yeah that happens to me a lot. People mostly just ignore me by now. Its kinda embarrassing, but meh.

Em: Fab? You used the word fab to describe my story? Ok, that was just scary.

HiddenPortrait: Hehehe, can you imagine the mischief a drunken Dom could do? Without a sober Kel to stop him? Oooh, the possibilities!

Nelarun: Yes, poor Dom. He does deserve it though. The beating-up, that is. I was pretty impressed by the effort it must've taken to write that review, what with all the laughter. By the way, where in Australia are you from? I'm a Queenslander, myself. (Maroons all the way heheh)

humanblackhole: Holy shit, I hope you didn't explode! It would stay on my conscience forever and ever!

Catri Holwman – Carthaki Spy: sniffs in disdain I'm not entirely sure if I should be talking to a Carthakian. Or, whatever. Hyperventilating while laughing is bad, though. It leads to death, which can sometimes be permanent.

telmina: Sorry that this isn't completed. Don't worry though, I won't give up on this story. I plan to have it finished by the time I go back to school (to show my daddy that I'm not a fool). Thanks for your awesome review!

Chamber Of Ordeal: Hope it didn't take you too long to clean your dinner up. The answers to your questions shall be revealed. Or, have been. Or, whatever. You get the point. (the pointy point)

WakeFlames: Honestly, I dunno how I do it either. Normally I'm not all that funny. I didn't really expect that many people to like my story this much. Hahah it is pretty ridiculous, could you imagine if Tamora Pierce had something like this in Lady Knight? Hahahah.

Neith4Weiss: Hahah thank-you! But you might want to stop laughing sometime to you know, breathe. Eat. Sleep. Just generally, live. Lol.


	4. The Mystery of the Blue Cat

Hello everyone! Guess what! I was forcefully separated from my computer over Christmas and New Years so I could go visit family. I'm still suffering the withdrawal symptoms. Damn parents. Anyhow hope you all had wonderful Christmases and New Years and enjoy the new chappie!

**Chapter Four – The Mystery of the Blue Cat**

Kel screaming wasn't exactly a regular occurrence, and Dom was worried for her. The Kel he knew would have never lost face like this, especially in such a public place. So he did the only thing he could think of. He pulled her into a tight hug and whispered soothing words into her ear while stroking her hair and rubbing soothing circles on her back. Kel buried her face in Dom's shoulder and they stayed like that for several minutes, before Kel stepped back, looking incredibly embarrassed.

"Sorry," she murmured, eyes lowered to the ground.

Dom smiled reassuringly. "It's alright Kel. Come on, let's go check out the mystery of the blue cat."

They trudged off together in the direction the cat had gone, never noticing the two faces watching them from around the corner.

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As Dom and Kel disappeared down the street, Raoul and Alanna turned to look at each other; both of their faces alight with glee.

"Ooh, that was perfect!" Alanna cackled. "Kel must be really, really frustrated! She's never lost face like that, not even at Haven and New Hope when all those flap-brained bumpkins were trying to tell her how to do her job!"

Raoul chuckled at the description, knowing that Neal had told Kel the exact same thing. His grin stretched even wider when he thought of Dom's reaction to Kel's breakdown.

"Dom did pretty good too. Comforting her and everything."

Alanna grinned back at Raoul, and mock-gasped like a court lady.

"But oh, what if he was just taking advantage of poor Kel's moment of weakness? Why these rowdy soldiers, you can never trust them with something as delicate as a woman's heart. We'll just have to follow them to make sure he doesn't do anything terrible."

"Indeed we shall," Raoul chuckled as they set of after the soon-to-be lovebirds.

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Wolset and Lerant were just about ready to give up. They had looked everywhere, all over their assigned section, and talked to everyone, but they couldn't find anyone that Kel and Dom hadn't apologized too. It seemed impossible, and yet, somehow they had managed to find everyone that they had insulted when they were drunk and smoothed things over with all of them. Wolset and Lerant couldn't believe it. They had spoken to the most notorious of the feisty midwives, trying to convince them that they really weren't happy with the simple apology given by Kel and Dom, and as a result of their hard work had been abused, cursed at, spat on and hit around the head with wet washing for trying to discredit the two wonderfully polite younglings that had come by earlier. Lerant was now sporting a nice, shiny black eye for muttering that if Dom was polite he was a chicken in disguise. Conceding defeat, they began to trudge back to the assigned meeting point, dodging washing, children and incensed old women along the way.

"Cluck, cluck, cluuuuuck cluck cluck," Wolset grinned, teasing Lerant about his black eye.

"Shut up," Lerant snarled, "or I'll beat you so bad that you're grandma will feel it."

Wolset just grinned. "Well that wasn't very original. Come on Lerant, you can do better than that. What's with all the hostility anyway? You look like you're gunna…lay an egg."

It was this comment that pushed Lerant over the edge and his already frayed nerves snapped.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dom looked back at Kel quizzically when she stopped walking abruptly, and cocked her head to the side.

"What is it Kel?"

Kel frowned at him. "Can you hear that?"

Dom copied Kel's movements from before and frowned as well when he heard the sounds.

"Sounds like screaming."

Kel threw a worried glance at him.

"You think we should go help whoever it is?"

Dom listened harder, and had to hide a grin when he recognized the screaming. He would have to remember to get Wolset to tell him what happened later on.

"Nah," he replied to Kel's question. "The Provost's Guard can handle it. We have bigger problems."

Kel looked suspicious, but he had a point, so they continued on their journey to find the mystery of the Blue Cat (which she had decided deserved capitals).

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raoul and Alanna heard the screams too. Loud and clear. Raoul burst out laughing and Alanna looked at him as if he were insane. Which he quite possibly was, due to prolonged exposure to people such as Neal, Dom and Alanna herself, but that's not the point.

"What's so funny?" she demanded.

"That's Wolset's screams," Raoul managed to choke out.

Alanna looked at him funnily again.

"And you think that the pain of one of your soldiers is funny?"

Raoul shook his head, still chuckling.

"No, you don't understand. Wolset was paired with Lerant. Lerant is a good kid, and normally it takes a lot to make him really, really mad. He gets angry easily, but not like this. But anyway, when he does get really, really mad it's not pretty. It's like Jon when he goes on one of his rants mixed with Peachblossom when Neal is around."

Alanna winced. "Ouch. But I still fail to see the humour in this. Jon in a rant is certainly not humorous. Remember that one time I did laugh at him? I've still got the marks," she mused, rubbing her left forearm unconsciously.

"I was just wondering what Wolset did to make him that mad. Don't worry. I guess it's sort of a personal joke. Come on, we're losing Kel and Dom."

And with that he began walking again, hands in his pockets whistling a happy tune.

Alanna stared.

'I may have to talk to Jon about him. I think poor Raoul's lost it.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kel and Dom followed the Blue Cat through the streets as it led them on a wild chase. They went over and under fences, through a couple houses, into back alleys, through the kitchen of a well-known restaurant and everywhere in between. Finally, it approached a low-set brick house and they heard a cry of "Mischief! Where have you been, you naughty cat!". Exchanging glances, Kel and Dom stopped and tried to catch their breath before approaching the house and knocking on the front door. A young woman, probably in her early thirties, with fly-away blonde hair and dirt smudges on her face, answered the door. She looked like the kind of person that would forget her head if it wasn't attached to her neck.

"Um, hello," Dom began uneasily. "This may seem strange, but well, we were wondering….did we do that to your cat?"

The woman blinked at them. "Do what? There's nothing wrong with him is there? Oh dear, is he okay?"

Dom and Kel exchanged glances. This woman was beginning to weird them out.

"Um," this time is was Kel who spoke, and she sounded rather hesitant. "He's….**blue**."

The woman stared at them as if they were insane.

"Yes, and?"

Kel could do nothing but stare, so Dom thought he better take over the explanations.

"Well, you see, last night we got kind of erm…drunk and we were ordered by our…superior, I guess…to find everyone that we might have done something to last night and make amends. And well, we saw your cat and thought maybe we were the ones who died him blue or something…and we just thought we would check to see if we could do anything to make amends for it."

The woman looked at their rumpled clothing, disheveled hair and flushed faces and sniffed.

"I don't know who you think you are or what kind of a joke you're trying to pull but there is absolutely nothing wrong with my cat. Now leave before I call the Provost's Guard."

And with that, she shut the door in their faces.

Dom gaped at the closed door, and then turned to Kel who was still staring.

"What in Mithros' name was that all about?...No, wait, I don't think I want to know."

He looked down at his clothes and frowned.

"I can't believe we went through all that for nothing. Talk about a wild goose chase, hey Kel? Kel?"

Kel was still staring at the door. Slowly, she turned around to face him, eyes wide.

"That woman was weird."


	5. Kel's Feet

**Chapter Five – Who's the Homeless Guy with an Obsession with Kel's Feet?**

It hadn't escaped Kel's notice that the arm Dom had slung across her waist to help her cross the street did not retreat once they were on the other side. It also hadn't escaped her notice that she didn't need help crossing the street in the first place. But, it wasn't like she had any objections to it, so she decided not to mention it, and concentrated instead on reigning in the blush that was threatening to erupt on her cheeks and acting indifferent to the whole situation.

When they reached the street they had been in before the whole Blue Cat debacle Dom turned to Kel and simply asked "What now?"

Kel sighed and buried her head in the crook of his neck.

"Now we have to finish what we started. Finish apologizing to everyone and find Neal," came the muffled reply.

Dom sighed as well. "Damn."

They set off again, Dom removing his arm from around Kel's waist and grabbing her hand instead. Kel's response was to interlock their fingers with a small smile and follow him down the street silently.

* * *

"Lerant! Lerant, come on this isn't funny! Let me out! Lerant!"

Wolset sighed. He never should have teased Lerant like that. Lerant was scary when he was mad. Almost as scary as Raoul or Alanna. Which was why Wolset was currently stuck in a chicken coop with a split lip, a prominent limp and quite a few bruises. And was that a cracked rib that was making breathing difficult?

He was also covered in chicken feathers, which were stuck to his skin by the molasses Lerant had dunked him in. He sighed again. This really wasn't his day.

* * *

Raoul and Alanna were getting bored. They had a good laugh over the Blue Cat incident, and cackled with glee when Dom slung his arm around Kel's waist. But now they were bored. Suddenly, following Kel and Dom all across town didn't seem like such a good idea any more. Especially since they couldn't get close enough to them to hear their conversations with the people they were apologizing to, and so they also couldn't hear any of the things Kel and Dom did the night before. That would have made for some very good blackmail material, for Kel especially.

"WHAT IN MITHROS' NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Raoul and Alanna grinned at each other. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Dom and Kel spent the next hour or so wandering around the streets continuing to apologize to the various annoyed people of Corus. Some of the things they had apparently done would probably have been hilarious, if the situation hadn't been quite so embarrassing. They had mooned people, stole people's washing, verbally abused people and just generally acted like drunken fools. Dom sighed for what had to have been the thousandth time and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was pretty sure that they apologized to what felt like half of Corus's occupants, and it had NOT been a pleasant experience. And they were starting to loose daylight, he realized with a start. If they didn't find Neal soon then they were going to be in big, big trouble. Suddenly his musings were interrupted when Kel's grip on his hand tightened.

"Dom," she muttered, without looking at him. "I think we're being followed."

"What," Dom replied, startled. "Since when?"

"A few streets back, I think. I can't tell who it is though. It's mostly just a feeling."

Dom turned, pretending to nonchalantly inspect the spices that were being sold in a nearby stall while surreptiously inspecting the street. He thought he caught a flash of movement near a building across the street from them, but with all the bustle surrounding the marketplace, he couldn't be sure.

"I think you're right," he mumbled. "We better keep our guard up from now on. It could be nothing, but you never know."

He felt Kel stiffen by his side and check to make sure they both had their daggers on them. It wasn't as good as a sword, or a glaive, but at least they were weapons. Kel and Dom continued walking down the street, keeping a sharp eye out for both potential stalkers and ruined stalls and shops. After a while, Dom pulled Kel into a quiet alcove near a dark alleyway after they had been jostled for what felt like the millionth time.

"Stupid nobleman. Thinks he can just trample anyone just 'cause he has a bloody horse. Yeah, well other people have horses too. Like Peachblossom. We should definitely introduce him to Peachblossom sometime dontcha think, Kel?"

Despite herself, Kel giggled. "No. I don't need any more problems with the conservatives thank you very much."

Deciding that such a statement didn't merit a response, Dom snorted and surveyed their surroundings with a critical eye.

"You know," he began uncertainly, "it certainly doesn't seem like we were rampaging all over town last night. So far everything that we supposedly did last night has been pretty tame, and wouldn't have taken much time at all. And I can't see anyone else that looks annoyed at us or anything else that looks out of the ordinary. I think we've apologized to everyone already." He frowned. "But that can't be right. I know what I'm like when I'm drunk, everyone tells me that I'm a right pain in the ass. This can't be everything we did."

Kel frowned as well. "I think you're right. But I think this is all we did here. I have a feeling that we did something big last night, apart from what we did to Neal of course, and that's what took up most of out time. We have to figure out what that was, fix it and find Neal. We're never going to…"

Dom glanced confusedly at Kel when she trailed off unexpectedly. She was looking down at her feet, horror etched all over her face. He looked followed her gaze down to see what the problem was, and blanched in disgust.

Someone was licking Kel's ankles. And attempting to massage her feet through her shoes.

"WHAT IN MITHROS' NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

* * *

Raoul and Alanna roared with laughter as they watched the homeless man try to explain to a horrified Kel and a livid Dom why he was licking her ankles. Alanna had to use her Gift to silence their laughter to make sure they wouldn't be heard. Raoul's laugh was _very _distinguishable.

"But you have such beautiful feet! You let me play with them last night!" pleaded an unfamiliar voice.

Two much more familiar voices rang through the air in simultaneous outrage.

"WHO….WHAT….HOW…I SWEAR BY THE GODDESS ('I really have been spending too much time with Kel,' Alanna mused.)….GET AWAY FROM ME/HER!"

Well, you can't expect someone who's almost speechless with rage (as was the case with both Kel and Dom) to be at all eloquent in their protestations. And so all Raoul and Alanna could hear from the two very outraged voiced was sputtering protests and incoherent ramblings.

The beggar had apparently realised that now was not the time to be attempting to get into Kel's…shoes. He was making an honest effort to explain away his actions and seemed to be contemplating how to get out of the situation alive. But alas for our dear little beggar the pull of Kel's beautiful feet was just too strong.

"I apologize Lady. I meant no disrespect. But you have such wonderful feet! Smooth, and beautiful, and your toes! Oh, your toes, they are just divine!"

Seeing his favourite Sergeant's face, Raoul decided that since he really didn't want to replace Dom if he got thrown in jail for murder, he and Alanna had better intervene before things got ugly. Uglier.

Throwing Alanna a pointed glance, he strode towards the horrified Lady Knight and fuming Sergeant. He grabbed each of them, walking away quickly and practically dragging them along with him as he began to chatter away quickly about the weather, what a coincidence it was that they had bumped into each other, how Alanna was there too and she would catch up with them in a moment, anything to distract the two youngsters from their outrage.

Meanwhile Alanna was threatening a certain beggar with her _very _pointy sword while trying desperately not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of the whole situation. Once he was sufficiently terrified and scarred for life, she hurried after the hulking form of Raoul. She had to sprint to catch up to him because he was walking rather fast and taking rather large steps, but eventually she managed it, and fell into step beside Kel, huffing and puffing.

Kel, meanwhile, barely even noticed Alanna's arrival. She had noticed the direction that Raoul was dragging them in and a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach was telling her that it was a bad, bad idea.

"…oh look, there she is, hello Alanna, I was just telling Kel and Dom…"

"Milord?"

"…don't you think? I'll have to remember to ask Jon about it later on. I'm sure Thayet would agree with us…"

"Milord!"

"…and of course, there was that time with the Bazhir, you remember that, Alanna? What am I saying, of course you remember it, you were there after all…"

"MILORD!"

Raoul broke off abruptly and stared at Kel, surprised and annoyed at being so rudely interrupted.

"Yes Kel?"

"I don't think we should go this way?"

"Why?" he asked, confused.

The question went unanswered as four pairs of eyes caught sight of the Queen's Riders trainee barracks and widened. Two voices cackled with glee. Another exclaimed "Mithros!" at the same time as the final sighed "We've done it now."

* * *

The men of Third Company had all completed their tasks and were now converged in the Jugged Hare to compare their results. And possibly have a drink or two while they were there. No use wasting an opportunity such as this, after all.

"All right, is everyone here?"

"Wolset's missing!"

"Lerant, you were Wolset's partner, do you know what happened to him?"

"He's been…detained."

Lerant gave a feral smile similar to Alanna's and the men all shuddered, but didn't question him. They knew better. The standard-bearer shook his head at their actions. Soldiers. They were all such wimps.

"Moving on then, did anybody find anything?"

Half an hour later the men had come to the conclusion that nobody had been able to find someone that Kel and Dom hadn't apologized too and since Raoul and Alanna obviously weren't coming, they may as well get on with the merrymaking.

The Jugged Hare sustained a fair amount of damage that night. And poor Wolset was forgotten about completely.


	6. Pansy's Place

**Chapter Six**

"Mithros," breathed Raoul in what appeared to be awe. "How did you **do **that?"

Kel gulped as she realised just why she had a bad feeling about coming to the Rider barracks. The whole entire building was covered in hot pink paint, white lace and various other random ornaments. The curtains had been replaced with frilly pink and white lace monstrosities and the door had been painted bright purple with a sign on it declaring this to be 'Pansy's Place'.

"Well," sputtered Alanna through her laughter, "at least now we know what you two **really **think of the Riders."

Kel and Dom didn't reply. They could only stare at the building before them, horrified. But that was ok. Alanna hadn't really been expecting a reply anyway. In the part of Kel's mind that could still think rationally (it was a very small part), she wondered if Alanna and Raoul's uniforms would get dirty with them rolling around on the ground like that, and whether laughing that hard was actually good for them. Because if they burst something, neither her nor Dom were in any position to get them to a Healer.

"S-s-sir," Dom finally squeaked, voice trembling. "You're not going to make us clean that up are you? And apologize to the Riders?"

Raoul cackled with glee as he thought of hundreds of incensed Riders bearing down on Dom and Kel. Not to mention Sarge, Onua, Thayet and Buri. But then again, if Buri found out that one of his men was responsible for this (he doubted anyone would place the blame on Kel, as it was already widely believed that it was Dom's fault she got drunk in the first place) she would most likely skin him alive. And that would hurt.

He looked at the barracks again and burst into a fresh wave of laughter. He definitely appreciated what Kel and Dom had done. He certainly wouldn't want to see such effort and ingenuity wasted. Even if it was at the Rider's expense. Especially because it was at the Rider's expense. The trick would be getting everyone to believe that none of his men had done it. That was going to be a challenge.

"No, I'm not going to make you clean it up. Or apologize to the Riders. But you two owe me big time for this, you hear?"

Kel and Dom nodded, relieved. Kel's face was Yamani smooth, but inside she was feeling somewhat suspicious as she wondered why Alanna and Raoul were in the marketplace today. Her eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly as she thought about how wonderful their timing had been with the foot-man. And she had been feeling like they were being followed all day…

'Oh, I'm so going to get them for this,' she thought furiously. And Kel began to plan.

"Kel?" Dom asked, noticing her slightly vacant expression. "We're going into the forest to look for Neal, are you coming?"

"Sure," she smiled at him. "It'd probably be better if we split up though, so we can cover more ground. So you two start here and work that way and we'll start over there and meet you in the middle. If anyone sees Neal, just shout out, okay?"

Raoul grinned and saluted her.

"Sure thing Commander Keladry."

Kel blushed and dragged Dom into the forest with her.

Alanna chuckled and winked at Raoul.

"Wonder why Kel wanted to be alone with Dom."

----------------------------------

Dom frowned as he studied Kel and wondered if he would be able to ask her what was wrong without getting his head bitten off. Women were scary when they got into a bad mood, and Kel was a very scary woman.

"Kel?" he ventured, after he had nearly smashed into a tree for the third time, due to the fact that Kel still had a hold of his arm, and was stomping through the forest at a rather fast pace, "You okay?"

Kel stopped, turned to face him and then just looked at him blankly for a moment before an extremely evil grin came over her face that made Dom shudder.

"Oh I'm just fine," she purred evilly. Dom hadn't even known that it was possible to purr evilly. Apparently it was.

"Um…well, in that case, do you think I could have my arm back?" he asked tentatively, then immediately cringed back, expecting Kel to blow up at him. He was therefore somewhat surprised when she just glanced at him distractedly, let go of his arm muttering "sure" and set off into the forest again.

Stunned, Dom just stood there for a moment before he finally realised that he could no longer see Kel's retreating back, and set off in the direction that she had disappeared in.

"Kel! Kel, where are you?...What are you?...KEL!"

After ten minutes of fruitlessly trying to find the runaway knight, Dom sighed and turned back, resigned to the fate of explaining to two angry knights just how he had managed to lose Kel. Plus he still hadn't found Neal. Sighing morosely, he sidestepped a tree and….

SMACK

Ran straight into the very person he had been looking for. Literally.

"Kel," Dom cried, shocked. He began to worry when Kel didn't answer him, and peered over her shoulder to try and see what she was so avidly staring at. And promptly burst into uncontrollable, and somewhat maniacal, laughter.

"Dom?" Kel asked, craning around to get a good look at the man who was currently rolling around on the ground, tears pouring out of his eyes. "You alright down there? That laughter has a bit of a hysterical note to it, you know."

Dom, however, just flashed his gorgeous grin up at her and smiled, "No, I'm good," before promptly collapsing with more laughter.

Neal, who had witnessed the whole thing from the tree he was tied to, cried "Shut up you stupid fool", but it was somewhat hampered by the gag in his mouth and thus came out as more of a "Mmph muh moo moopid ool."

This, however, only caused Dom to laugh harder.

"Mithros, Minnoss and Shakith," he cried (this expression had traveled from Numair to Raoul, and then spread further to the King's Own. It was now a widely-used saying, and Numair had been heard complaining about people copying him. Alanna told him to stop being such a baby). "What did we do?"

"I don't know," Kel grinned. "Maybe we should ask Neal."

Seconds later, the woods were filled with the sound of loud shouts and cursing. Neal was horrified to note that due to the fact that he hadn't ingested any fluids in the past 24 hours or so, and had had a gag in his mouth for nearly the same amount of time; his voice came out sounding rather like a chipmunk. Which of course only made Dom laugh all the more.

Kel titled her head to the side, listening to Neal's tirade and trying to understand what the high-pitched chipmunk noises meant. She was sure she had heard something about rotten fruit, and a phrase that sounded a lot like "I'll target practice you", along with rather a lot of threats of death and disembowelment, but other than that, nothing.

"Well that's not very nice," Dom suddenly commented placidly, apparently having controlled his fit of hilarity. "Just for that, Meathead, I don't think I'm going to untie you know."

Kel rolled her eyes at the now-bickering cousins, and moved to untie Neal, mind still fixed on thoughts of revenge against Raoul and Alanna. She winced and covered her nose as she approached her friend, who was covered in smushed-up bits of rotten fruit. Surprisingly, it all seemed to be centered on Neal and she smiled as she realised that at least she could aim, even when drunk.

Halfheartedly listening to Dom and Neal's bickering, which had by now reduced to them hurling childish taunts at each, Kel grabbed Dom by the arm and dragged him in close to her to whisper in his ear.

"Dom," she muttered, and he looked intently at her, his interest peaked, "don't you think it was a little bit strange that Alanna and Raoul were there to save the day right when that guy tried to attack my feet? I mean, what were they doing at the marketplace in the first place?"

Dom's head snapped around to stare at her as he picked up the hidden meaning in her voice.

"You think they were the ones following us? Why?"

"I don't know. I think they were trying to get us in more trouble."

Neal narrowed his eyes, annoyed at his cousin and friend for ignoring him after they had put him through such a terrible ordeal.

"What are you two whispering about?"

Kel and Dom paid no attention him however, and Neal began sulking, but brightened when he thought that maybe he could get some sympathy from Yuki.

"Well, we can't let them get away with that now can we?" Dom asked, his blue eyes glittering with mischief.

"No, of course not," Kel grinned back. "Only I've got not idea what we could do."

Dom stared hard at Neal for a few seconds, before grinning the biggest grin Kel had ever seen in her whole entire life.

"I might have a few ideas."


	7. Target Practice

**Chapter Seven – Target Practice**

Alanna, Raoul and the very, very hung over members of Third Company (minus Wolset, of course) gathered in Third Company's barracks. They had seen neither hide nor hair of either Dom or Kel since they had returned from the forest with Neal in tow. Neal, however, they had seen, heard and smelt a great deal of, and they wished they hadn't.

"It's like they somehow managed to apologize to **everyone**," Alanna complained. "And none of them have any hard feelings. That shouldn't be possible. _How is that possible_?"

Raoul just shook his head, realising a lost cause when he saw one. "And they still aren't even together yet," he pointed out. "They're closer, but they're still dancing around one another. How can two people who are so very smart be so gods-cursed **blind**?"

"I don't know," Alanna pouted," but I intend to do something about it. I mean, it's not like we actually _need_ someone who's mad at them. We'll just tell them that they missed a person and make someone up," she finished with a grin; eyes alight with excitement over her new plan.

"I'm not sure that'll work," Raoul frowned. "Kel and Dom will probably see right through it."

"Well, it's worth a try. Better than just sitting back and watching them flirt without doing anything about it."

"True," Raoul conceded. "But not right now. I'm starving. Let's go to dinner."

Alanna agreed, and they headed off.

The members of Third Company groaned as one.

"Did they have to talk so _loud_?"

* * *

Dom grinned wickedly as he strolled calmly into his uncle's office in the Infirmary. His grin only grew as he caught sight of his hapless cousin bemoaning his life to the obviously amused Duke Baird. 

"Cousin Meathead!" he cried happily. "Why, if I knew that you were going to be here, I would have come sooner!"

Neal merely threw a disgruntled look at the grinning soldier, and sniffed disdainfully. He really wished that he could pay Dom back for what he and Kel did to him, but he knew that it would probably start an all-out prank war with the blue-eyed man. A war that Neal knew, from past experiences that he could never win and would most likely end with him being utterly humiliated. He huffed grumpily. It just wasn't _fair_.

Dom grinned again as his cousin flounced out of the room, muttering various obscenities about life and annoying cousins in particular. He strode confidently over to Duke Baird's desk and sat in the seat that Neal had just vacated.

"So," Baird asked, eyeing his nephew warily, "what can I do for you today, Dom?"

Dom eyes twinkled and his grin grew again, which scared Baird because surely that couldn't be good for his face.

"Well you see Uncle, it's like this…"

* * *

Kel knocked on the door leading to Daine and Numair's rooms and waited patiently for someone to answer. When the door opened seemingly of its own accord, she blinked and looked down, then smiled brightly at the dragonet at her feet. 

"Hello Kit," she greeted, receiving a trill in reply, "is Numair in?"

Kel leaned comfortably against the doorframe as Kitten trilled a positive and disappeared inside the rooms to fetch Numair.

He appeared moments later, sans dragon, and smiled when he saw who was in his doorway.

"Keladry! How wonderful to see you! What can I do for you?"

Kel grinned in a rather un-Kel like fashion, and explained.

"Well you see Numair, it's like this…"

* * *

Half an hour later, Kel and Dom met up in a hidden courtyard and shared conspiratorial grins. Everything was going according to plan. Kel cackled with glee and rubbed her hands together. 

"This should be good."

Dom grinned back. "Definitely." Suddenly his grin disappeared and he began to scuff his foot along the ground, looking like a shy page. "Kel…do you like me?"

Kel threw him a confused look. "What do you mean? Of course I like you."

"No, I mean like, like me," Dom muttered, blushing faintly.

Kel's confusion doubled, before suddenly understanding shone in her eyes.

"I dunno, Dom, you're going to have to be more specific."

Dom faltered, and began to speak hesitatingly. "You know like, liiike me. Get butterflies in your stomach when you're around me. That kinda stuff." Silence. Dom chanced a glance up and his jaw dropped when he caught sight of Kel's twinkling eyes and huge grin. She laughed as he continued to gape at her and he suddenly joined in, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her body into his.

"That was cruel."

She grinned up at him, while simultaneously trying to regulate her breathing so he wouldn't notice what the close proximity of his body was doing to her.

"But funny."

Kel opened her mouth to comment on his flabbergasted expression, and Dom decided right then and there that he really didn't want to hear it, so he shut her up the best way he knew how.

He slanted his mouth firmly over hers and kissed her with everything he had.

When they pulled back minutes later Dom was pleased to note Kel's slightly vacant face and her harsh breathing.

"What were you going to say before, Kel?"

She looked up at him and her eyes focused slightly. "Huh? Oh, nothing, don't worry about it."

Dom grinned and began to pull her towards the mess hall. "Well in that case, let's go get some dinner. Don't want to miss the show, do we?"

Kel grinned at him, seemingly over her bout of vertigo. "We'll miss it anyway," she informed him. "Master Numair is _very_ good at sleight of hand."

"Well, yes," he grinned. "But actually I meant the whole Raoul-and-Alanna-passing-out show."

Kel's eyes lit up and she began to tug on Dom's hand, urging him to walk faster. He complied, laughing. When they reached the mess hall they stopped outside for a moment to gather themselves and walked in. Unfortunately, they still couldn't wipe the huge grins off their faces so when they sat down at Kel's usual table they were greeted with many wary looks.

"Alright, out with it," said Merric. "What have you two done?"

Dom gasped indignantly, and replied in a high-pitched voice. "Who, us? How could you even think such a thing, Sir Merric?" Then, just for good measure, he fluttered his eyelashes at the horrified knight.

Kel laughed, and hit Dom on the shoulder. "Dom, stop scaring the poor man. But seriously guys, we haven't done anything."

"Not yet anyway," Dom muttered, eyes following the slightly heavy movements of two particular knights at the high table.

Kel's friends shared an uneasy glance and decided not to comment as Kel and Dom silently rose and followed Raoul and Alanna out of the mess hall. They would undoubtedly find out what was going on soon enough and in the meantime, they didn't want to get involved. Kel and Dom were scary.

The two in question were currently following Alanna and Raoul as inconspicuously as possible, and trying to hear snatches of their conversation.

"Feeling kinda woozy…"

"…don't know what's going on…"

"…Kel and Dom."

THUD

Kel and Dom shared a grin and dragged the two unconscious knights outside to the wagon they had waiting. The herbs Duke Baird had given them were very strong, so they didn't have to worry about Raoul or Alanna waking up and ruining their plan.

"Mithros, Minnoss and Shakith, this man is heavy," Dom complained. "How come you get to carry Alanna?"

"Oh stop complaining," Kel grinned. "It's not much further."

Grunting and groaning, together the two conspirators managed to heave the two deadweights into the wagon.

"Well," Dom snorted. "Tomorrow should be interesting."

* * *

The first thing Alanna thought when she woke up was that George must've left the curtains open again because the sun was shining harshly into her eyes. Then, she realised that maybe there was another reason for that, because she most definitely **was not** in her bed. As soon as this fact registered her eyes flew open and she stared at the scene surrounding her. 

"Great Mother Goddess," she whispered, before raising her voice dramatically. "Raoul! Raoul, wake up!** Raoul**!"

"Huh? Whassat?" the hulking knight snorted as he finally woke up. Raising his head, he glanced at his surroundings, blinked, and then stared.

"Alanna? Why are we tied to posts in the middle of the town square?"

"I don't know!" Alanna hissed, remembering the last time she had viewed a scene like this. She gulped. The memory was not a good one. "But I intend to find out."

She struggled with the rope that bound her wrists for a few minutes, before sighing in defeat and slumping against the pole she was tied to.

"Can't you just magic the ropes off?" Raoul asked, curious as to why she didn't even try.

"No. There's a magic dampener on the ropes, too strong for even me to break."

Suddenly, a third voice piped up and Raoul and Alanna's heads swiveled as one to fix on the speaker.

"Well, look here. They're finally awake."

"Dom," Raoul hissed, glaring at his grinning Sergeant. "Get us out of here, now!"

"Sorry, Raoul. Can't do that."

"Why not?" Alanna growled. If looks could kill, Dom would be very, very dead by now.

"Because then I would hurt him," a new voice added. Kel calmly walked up to the two trapped knights and continued, ignoring the hissed curses coming her way. "What you did yesterday wasn't very nice, you know. Dom and I, well, we just couldn't let something like that pass. So, here we are. Revenge is sweet."

Walking away, she threw a final "Enjoy" over her shoulder before Dom gave her a quick kiss on the lips and looped an arm around her waist. Alanna and Raoul could only watch the two lovebirds walking away and blink at their retreating backs.

"Well," Raoul started. "Guess we didn't need that second plan of yours after all."

Alanna's only response was a hissed curse as she continued to struggle with the ropes binding her. Raoul looked around; trying to see what Dom and Kel had planned for them. Suddenly he gulped, and tried to get his comrades attention.

"Alanna! Alanna!"

"What?" she hissed, head swinging around to glare at him. Catching sight of his wide-eyed expression, she followed his gaze slowly, fearing what she might find.

Alanna's eyes widened, and she gulped.

"Nice kiddies…you don't want to hurt us do you?"

Her only response was the scariest war cry she had ever heard as the children in front of her launched their first assault. As the rotten fruit flew through the air, Alanna shrieked "I swear by the Goddess, I **will **get you two for this."

Kel and Dom, who had been watching the proceedings from a safe distance, smiled and Dom laughed as he pushed himself up from the sign he had been leaning on.

"Let's go get some food. I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," Kel smiled as she followed him up the road leading to the palace.

Behind them, the sign sat innocently, unaware of the message it portrayed.

'_Target Practice. One day only. Test your skills against two of Tortall's finest!'_

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

"Dom? Lerant? Someone? Anyone?"

"Well, crap," Wolset sighed as he slid down the door until he was sitting on the ground, back resting on the door. Hearing a strange noise, he looked up and his eyes widened as he stared into the beady black eyes of the hen standing menacingly before him.

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP"

THE END


End file.
